Quick Tour of the Philosophers' Tower!

History, builders, occupants, land permits. How did it ever survive the county code inspectors? Just how many Towers are there?

[Whimsy- researched and submitted by Lux, Philosopher-in-Residence)

HISTORY

The first Philosophers’ Tower (henceforth, “the Tower”) that we know of was built in New Jersey in 1932. There may well be others around the world. The New Jersey Tower was built on a 500 acres plot purchased from the estate of a wealthy 19th century industrialist. Surrounding land eventually became part of a large state forest. Title for the Tower's acreage passed into the hands of a private trust.

Building permits were applied for and issued both for the Tower and one outbuilding. Access easements in perpetuity were also issued. Mineral rights were retained by the estate. A crew of workmen, not from the local region, arrived shortly with truckloads of tools and quarried grey fieldstone. They set to work, under the watchful eye of code inspectors. In three months a gently tapered cylindrical structure, wider at base than top, approximately, 15 meters high was raised. Inspectors entered, then filed papers with the county that all relevant codes had been met.

Now things become a bit mysterious. There are no newspaper or eyewitness accounts of the work crew or their vehicles ever departing the acreage. Back in those days there were of course no surveillance cameras and arrivals and departures were not subject to paperwork, but still it was a bit odd. Rumors persisted that work might still have been going in inside the Tower, with lights flaring from the small windows late at night, and sounds like furious stone chiselling leaking out through the thick walls.

INTERNAL ARCHITECTURE AND FEATURES

The original blueprints for the 1932 Tower called for a basement topped with four equal height floors culminating in a crennelated flat top (which subsequently gained a green metal cone covering.) The levels were to be connected by a stone staircase spiraling along the inside stone walls of the Tower. Light was to be electrical, and gas and water piping to the top floors. No insulation. Some rooms later received plaster and lathe walls for hanging portraits, etc. Overall the ambience was very medieval as if an ancient architect, specializing in donjons like Porrentruy or Neufchateau had been the designer. The main entrance was at the ground level, no steps, with outside stone flagging. Historically, the ground floor was partitioned into a kitchen, refectory, and large space that could be reporposed in various ways. The basement was primarily a storage area for currently surplus furniture, fittings, etc. and included a large pantry. Upper floors had.changing tasks, depending on current occupancy.

What is notable during the time I've been at residency is the extreme mutability of the interior. Although always appearing from the outside of the same dimensions, the interior is far more capacious. There are currently more than the original four floors- 6 at last count. Each floor can be far larger than the outside dimensions would suggest. How and by whom furniture is brought up to the upper floors from basement storage for special occasions, is also a mystery. I often offered to help in the early months there and was told not to worry. What is described in detail here is true of the Oregon Tower but it can be presumed to be accurate of the New Jersey one as well- they appear to be identical clones, at least in the outside.

OCCUPANTS AND GUESTS

Besides the mysterious work crew- who are never seen, but may still be in the Tower or perhaps now are the Tower, there are, as permanent residents, the Chatelaine and the Philosopher-in-Residence.

The Philosopher-in-Residence

I believe both East and West coast Towers have different occupants. Although the Towers may have been cloned, the Chatelaines and current Philosophers-in-Residence are different people. This should seem obvious, but I've learned, when it comes to the Philosophers' Tower, nothing is obvious.

On a trip to an APA Eastern Division conference I dropped in at the New Jersey structure and met the east coast Philosopher-in-Residence, Ray. I can happily report he was a very pleasant scholar- much more outgoing than I. No clone there! He also was very reluctant to talk about the Tower’s Chatelaine and unfortunately she wasn't in evidence the day I was there. He was that Tower's sixth P-I-R, which is consonant with the greater age of that structure. However in age he was younger than me. While my specialties are medieval philosophy and epistemology, his is applied ethics. So obviously Philosopher-in-Residence are not selected for Tower sinecures by specialty.

Ray and I compared notes and he relayed that he had received a letter in the mail advertising that there was a posting available, listed the job benefits- free room and board, laundry facilities on premises, a small stipend and access to the Tower's substantial Philosophy library. It was upfront with the downsides-. secluded location, applicants had to provide their own transportation, no radio, tv, or mobile reception. It seemed to my new friend who was a bachelor to be a dream come true, even the part requiring participation in Tower events. It was a philosopher’s version of Princeton's Institute of Advanced Studies.

The letter concluded with an address that turned out to be the Tower's and an appointment time with the request for him to call the enclosed phone number to cancel or reschedule.

All of this sounded authentic because I had received an identical letter in Oregon, ten years before his. Like him I had read the letter, weighed the advantages against the disadvantages, and because I was between teaching assignments, made the interview.

The interviewer was a tall striking woman who I later learned was the Chatelaine. In my own case it was almost as if the committee or whoever made the appointment decision had already decided in my favor. The questions were simple, perfunctory and few in number. I went home with the assurance that I would soon be contacted and in about four days I got a phone call with a voice informing me, congratulations- I had been selected- and asking me to come to the Tower to sign paperwork required for taking up my almost responsibility-free position.

"Too easy," I thought and I begin to worry about the legitimacy of whatever organization was behind the Tower and the offer. But I needn't have. The appointment was for four year terms and renewable with a review every third year of a new term. I signed the papers, took the appointment and the rest is history. It's now been over twenty seven years and they've been good ones.

The Chatelaine

Of our Chatelaine, I can't relay much. She is quiet, taciturn at times, not at all forthcoming about the history or nature of the Tower, how it was built, what happened to the work crew, why and how is the place so mind bogglingly mutable and capacious beyond physical laws… She never answers questions about her own history or what she did before she became Chatelaine. I respect people’s privacy and never press her. She has her own little room on the ground floor, but the door is always closed and I've never asked her for a tour.

She does run the place. And for one person does an amazing job. Often it seems she can be in two places at the same time and she seems to have her own back routes between floors that don't use the stone stairs. She organizes all events, invitees and Tower affairs but is never bossy doing so.

The appointment papers specified that I would be spared all administrative responsibilities and the Chatelaine ensured it would be so. Endlessly energetic, in all these years she has never complained of any ailment- not so much as a headache, she never seems to sleep. She has an inhuman courage- I've seen her confront some very formidable beings. Sometimes I wonder if she is human.

Guests

The Tower has at any time a surprising number of guests. All are there by invitation only. We had some gate-crashers over the years but most of those were nonhuman. Most legitimate guests have been, appropriately enough, philosophers though at times their ontic status seems indeterminate. I've seen in the upstairs philosophy room, numerous philosophers who died centuries ago, but they lack any ghostly qualities, are fleshy, substantial, have ravenous appetite for food and drink- especially drink in the case of the medievals and in all respects are living. I once saw Eriugena choking on a chicken bone!

How the Chatelaine arranged for their transportation to the Tower I have no idea. Time travel? Interdimensional teleporting? It remains a mystery, but the guests are no worse for the trip- generally in good spirits and as a rule talkative and even disputacious.

Other guests, (some seem to be verging on permanent status) are nonhuman and are thankfully usually encountered only on the upper floors where the Chatelaine has arranged quarters to be built for them. The Ghost Hall is an example.

There is a floor above the Ghost Hall whose inhabitants are never seen- the doors to that space are kept locked by the Chatelaine. It seems to have an access door to the roof but I've never seen it unlocked. The inhabitants aren't ever seen but they are heard- all kinds of very weird sounds come down through the ceiling. Rasps, buzzing and sizzling noises, flutterings and gusty winds sounds. Heavy thuds. Whatever is up there must be strange indeed! One just has to trust the Chatelaine's judgement in allowing it/them their own floor. Maybe they are her relatives??

CONCLUSION

This is my account and it has been enjoyable researching it and putting it down. More enjoyable though has been living here. The Chatelaine is a splendid co-occupant, the pets are fine, there is never a lack of great food and drink and the guest philosophers are always models of conviviality, especially the medievals! In short I will do everything to keep having my terms renewed.

Most importantly I have read and re-read my appointment papers and there is no non-disclosure clause barring me from publishing this account.

May it offend none, bore none, amuse some, and edify others!

-Lux, Philosopher-in-Residence Philosophers' Tower, West. CE 2024