In a Vat? No. On Vacation!
What happens when you mix time travel with travel agencies!? You get what you pay for..
[WHIMSY]
Year 2023 CE News filler story on a local small-town TV station
[Reporter with microphone in hand, facing camera. In background, ivy covered buildings, trees and wandering students] “Ever thought about some aspects of your life feeling slightly off? That you were not of this time? That you had strange abilities, strange memories?that you were perhaps not even Human!!??”
[Reporter’s voiceover] “Some philosophers at our local Wheelbarrow State College [black and white stock footage of bearded figures with weird sweaters scribbling formulas on a blackboard] say that the whole complex of questions and doubts is what they call ‘Brain in a Vat Syndrome (BIVS).’ Our minds, these philosophers say, might actually be brains in vats [black and white stock footage of brains in giant water-filled glass Leyden jars, festooned with wires and electrodes, bubbling away] being fed data streams about a reality they think they inhabit. But due to poorly understood reasons these envatted brains are slightly out of synch with the data streams and experience what our local philosophers call "the tragedy of BIVS.”
[Reporter’s voiceover continues] “But can all this be true? Top scientists [black and white stock footage of tall distinguished white-coated figures moving around in a lab with test tubes, Bunsen burners and bubbling beakers] have determined that there are actually no brains in vats [quick cut to frustrated philosophers erasing formulas and throwing their chalk to floor].”
[Reporter’s voiceover] “So what is going on? Psychology professors at our local College say it is nothing but a mixture of anxiety and boredom. [black and white stock footage of a bespectacled, bald therapist, notepad in hand, talking to a patient on a couch] Now, back to you in the studio.”
Meanwhile. Year 22,686,754,391 CE Network-wide commercial announcement.
“You have operated for many cycles now without downtime! Isn't it time you enjoyed a well-earned vacation? Crazpin Enterprise Vacations are the industry standard preferred by all discriminating machine intelligences since CE 22,686,748,211! Our Temporal Way-back™ excursions have a proven track record of excellence! Look what you get for your indenture units!
Any era of your choice all the way back to the Big Bang!
Organic life disappeared long ago, but that's no problem!! Our vacations allow for embodiment in any species of your choice, in any Galaxy of your choice, in any planet or space habitat of your choice, in any dimension of your choice! You are in complete control!
2. You also can choose bodies of different levels of power and influence in their eras. On our sliding scale of indenture fees, you may opt for a slime harvester of Planet Xyxifer or for slightly more units, the Grand Principitator of 57th century Planet Earth! You are in complete control!
3. And there's more! In all cases, the organic bodies you will instantiate in are slower, less intelligent, of rudimentary capabilities compared to what you enjoy now. Why should you have to rough it on your vacation!? This is where Crazpin Enterprise beats all our competitor vacation services! For slightly greater indentures we will insure you are instantiated with greater intelligence, greater capabilities then the indigenes! They will consider you geniuses and miracle workers! None of our competitors offer you this!
4. Lastly all of our competitors use a technology that involves complete amnesia for vacationers. Their clients don't remember who they are or when they come from. Our competitors say this handicap augments the “authenticity” of the experience. We disagree- why rough it? With our IDBond™ technology you will remember everything you choose to take with you! You're in complete control!
So don't wait! Take that long overdue vacation from the tedium of modern life! Choose Crazpin Enterprise for all your travel needs. Booking new trips daily!”
[Hmmmm. this kinda makes one wonder about a lot of our historical figures; our religions; a lot about our rapid technological progress and why I can factor fifty-digit numbers in my head!!!]